Today I was waiting for my guitar lesson to start, so I ran to the ladies room.
I saw this and I cried.
The little things hit me like a truck sometimes.
I’ve spent most of my life loving other people’s children. I don’t regret a second of the giggles, hugs, laughter, or even the sassiness. But every year, always around this time, I get super sad. The longing comes full force. Everyone is a family. Everyone has kids. Every blog post is about baby animals and spring flowers and Mother’s Day. I’ve overseen more Mother’s Day projects than everyone you know combined and I’m still waiting for my lopsided handprint flowers or scribble heart picture. It hurts my heart.
Then there’s the social media gushing. I’m so happy for all the first time mamas and the excitement of that special Sunday. I also feel the loss of the baby I am a Mama to that I never got to hold so strongly. I’m reminded that another year, and another year, and another year has come & gone and we are still two.
So I cried a little at that stupid kola bear diaper changing l picture in the bathroom. It wasn’t pretty.
Then I remembered all the love we have and all the prayers for Baby J that are just as passionate and heartfelt as ours. And I felt peaceful and hopeful. Just like a hug or a whisper.
I wiped off my tears and went to my guitar lesson. Then I promptly ruined a Nirvana song. The prayers and the love really rock. Me, eh…