Lately, it’s been all about reflection and finding a peaceful spot in the chaos. Sometimes I can’t stop the loop in my mind that seems stronger than the truth in my heart. I know that love is stronger than doubt, but it’s hard.
It is so hard.
Hard to celebrate when pieces of me are missing.
Hard to be thankful even when I know better.
Hard to smile when I just want to hide.
Hard to wave as the kindergarten girls run to the bus, while I’m left with Hope’s shadow.
Hard to believe the finality of barrenness without getting caught in the undertow.
Hard to push all of my faith into my heart when it feels like it’s getting smaller.
But it isn’t too hard.
It isn’t hard enough to make me quit being absolutely in love with the universe.
I don’t know why Hope didn’t get to stay.
I don’t know why I’m lucky enough to love your kids but not my own.
It’s no secret that our hearts’ desire is to be parents. Many of you share this prayer with us & it makes our hearts so happy.
Adoption is expensive. We’ve been fundraising through Jamberry and bracelet sales. It’s been wonderfully helpful, but such slow going. After much thought and prayer, we’ve decided to begin a campaign on CrowdRise. This site enables us to receive donations from anyone with the link. CrowdRise has been used by many organizations and individuals to raise money for a variety of reasons with great success. Asking for help, especially when it involves money, isn’t easy. Life isn’t easy. Infertility isn’t easy. That doesn’t mean we can’t be successful. My favorite people in the world taught us that we can do hard things & we believe it with our whole hearts.
So, here we are asking for help. Would you consider donating to our adoption? Would you share the link on your social media sites, in an email, tweet, fb post, or text? Would you ask your friends to share it, too?
Here is the link to CrowdRise : https://www.crowdrise.com/seekingbabyj/fundraiser/mandeejablonski
You can also send a financial gift via PayPal
Thank you for your prayers, love, and for being a part of our lives!